When most people hear the words, “I’m a Single Parent”, the first thing out of their mouths is “I’m so sorry”. While we thank you for your compassion, Single Parents no longer have the stigma it used to. Am I sorry that I am divorced? Yes, no one ever thinks they will go into a marriage only to divorce X amount of time later. I personally feel, that right now, my daughter’s father and I, get along better than we did when we were married.
What is the secret? We agreed from the very beginning that our daughter will come first in our choices. Was I mad at him? Absolutely! Did my daughter know I was mad at him? Absolutely not. She was a child and the only thing she was told was that Mommy and Daddy didn’t play nicely together and it was better for all of us if we were no longer living together. Her father and I rarely express displeasure with one another in front of her. Heck, her teachers didn’t know we were divorced until we told them, because of how amicable we are.
How to make divorce work
- Communication – Both parents should always be in the loop of what is going on with their child. If you don’t want to talk to the other parent. That’s fine! Send a letter with the child, or email them. If a teacher communicates something to you, don’t put the teacher in the middle. Make sure the parent knows what is going on. Whenever my daughter’s teacher emailed something out, I forwarded it to her father immediately. Or, if the teacher allows it, I always put both of our emails on their contact sheet.
- Respect – The other person is your child’s parent. You should respect them for that. If not for them, you would not have your little angel
. You are co-parenting this child into the person they will grow up to be. If you are remarried, it’s fine if you are communicating information to your spouse, but, make sure you are giving that other parent the respect they deserve as their biological parent. - They are not a guest – When your child lives in two homes, don’t make them feel like a guest. Have everything set up for them so they are not carrying a backpack back and forth. If you are able to do this that is!
These are the main two points you should always keep at the forefront when you are no longer with the other parent. As long as the children see this, they are happier and have the ability to adapt to the situation easier. Remember, divorce is hard. Okay, extremely hard. But it’s hardest on the children.
Life as they know it is changed. Make the transition as easy as possible if you can!
